My name is Jennifer Marie Baney. I am 18 years old. I actually wanna stick to this 30 Day challenge thing.
Day 01: Introduce yourself
Day 02: Your first love, in great detail
Day 03: Your parents, in great detail
Day 04: What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05: Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06: Your day, in great detail
Day 07: Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08: A moment, in great detail
Day 09: Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10: What you wore in great detail
Day 11 : Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 : What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 : Your favorite memory, in great detail*
Day 14 : What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 : Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 : Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 : This week, in great detail*
Day 18 : Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 : Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 : This month, in great detail
Day 21 : Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 : Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 : Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 : Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 : A first, in great detail
Day 26 : Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 : Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 : Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 : Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 : One last moment, in great detail
Today I felt so horrible so I decided to stay home. I have stuffy nose and I think I broke out in a stress rash (which is so disgusting)
I have been so unhappy for such a long time. I try to look pass on how unhappy I am and look at the good things in life. But pretty much, the only good thing that I have is my friends. I have parents that are so annoying, and I have a boyfriend that is just so oblivious to what I am going through. Yes, communication is key but what is the point of communicating when the other person has nothing of value to say. My relationship is shit and I am not proud of it. It’s filled with nothing but disappointment and it’s fucking loveless. Everything in the past year and a half has gone wrong. Nothing good has happened and it just keeps on getting worse. I wanna go back to my sophomore year. If I could I would take all my bad decisions back and make better ones. I wish I could have gone back to that person I think I was meant to be with. But no, I was too hurt and too stupid. Now he is gone and lives a thousand miles away and is happy with someone else. Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if I actually went back…but it’s too late. I am always hurting and I can never seem to pick myself back up. Where is God when you need him? Is there even a God? I have no idea. It’s what I have been taught all my life…even to this day. My life in a nutshell is depressing. All my dreams of actually going to a good college is fucking shot…I have to go to elac now and you get to go to a fancy music school (you will probably never get a job when you’re done). I can’t help but complain. I finally got what I thought I wanted and it’s not it. This person does not make me happy he just makes me feel inadequate, ugly, useless, and not worth his time. Steph was right. People like him do not change. To be honest, I put a lot of the line for him and it all just blew up in my face. I ended up the loser. I wanna be me again. I do not even know what “me” is anymore. As graduation gets closer I am starting to realize that there are a lot more other important things besides relationships, hurting myself, doing mindless things that do not matter. I need to grow up.
